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I Had Enough God In Me


Trigger warning: If you are a survivor, please practice self-care in reading this blog

I was raised by old school parents. Some of us know what it means to have old school parents. My parents were born and raised in the South, South Carolina to be exact. They believed in discipline, hard work and loving God. My walk with God started at an early age. Church services and Sunday School were essential to building my foundation. Although I did not fully understand God, I knew he loved me and wanted the best for me. I knew that I could talk to him through prayer and he would talk back to me. I knew the difference between right and wrong and what pleased God and what did not.

It is crucial that we give our children a solid foundation to help sustain them through life’s challenges. My parents’ discipline and my relationship with God was the foundation that I needed to help survive a traumatic time in my life.

We often hear survivors speak about the physical and sexual abuse they have endured, however, the mental abuse has lingering effects that can haunt a person long after the abuse has ended. It is the reason that so many survivors remain stagnant and unable to move forward. Recently, as I sat making edits for my next book, I was reminded of the behavior of one of my abusers. The behavior was manipulative and quite convincing to the young teenage girl I was at the time. After each act of abuse, my abuser would manipulate my confusion about what he was doing to me by insisting that his behavior was normal. His sadistic actions and nonchalant response to my pain made me question everything that I had been taught. It shook my foundation to the core and left me in a haze of self-doubt. I thought to myself, “Am I crazy, because this does not feel right?” I would sit and try to make sense out of what had just happened. I would rock myself in an attempt to bring comfort to my confused mind. As I sat rocking back and forth, I began to think of what I knew to be true. I knew that God loved me, and I knew that this was not his will for my life. As a young teen, I had enough God in me to combat the poison that was being spewed from my abuser’s mouth. I drew strength from reminding myself that God loved me and that he had a better plan for my life.

The foundation that had been established in my life as a young girl was the key in my survival of the horrific violation of my person. It is that same foundation, my walk with God, that continues to sustain me today.

Read more of my story in my upcoming book……

Blessings,

Siah



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